A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM!

Dear Diary, 
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. 

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. 

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. 

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. 

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MONDAY: 
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! 

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! 

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! 

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TUESDAY: 
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. 

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WEDNESDAY: 
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. 

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. 

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. 

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THURSDAY: 
A$$hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. 

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. 

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. 

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FRIDAY: 
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. 

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. 

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher . Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? 

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SATURDAY: 
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. 

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SUNDAY: 
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! 

Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh

LOVE THIS! Thank you, Jan!!!

Two thumbs up!

I've recently packed on a few pounds.  Easy to do, right?  Not to worry.  I just received a great little gadget as a gift.  And I'm loving the ease with which the data is recorded and the fact that I can quickly access the info via phone or computer. It's far more than a pedometer/see specs.  

You, too, may find this handy device helpful in walking or running your way to a leaner, healthier, longer-lasting body.

Fitbit Wireless Activity/Sleep Tracker

"This device:

• Accurately tracks daily steps, stairs climbed, distance, calories burned, and activity level via 3-d motion sensor and altimeter technology
• Measures how long and how well you sleep - just wear it on your wrist at night with Fitbit wristband (included)
• Small and discreet enough to wear all day- tuck it into a pocket or clip it to a belt or bra
• Wirelessly uploads data to Fitbit.com; No monthly fee
• See online graphs, compete with friends, earn new badges and log food, weight and other workouts at Fitbit.com and on new iPhone app"

I could fit a bit of exercise into my life!

Best of all, no negative side effects!

What could possibly . . .

• lower blood pressure
• reduce stress hormones
• increase muscle flexion
• boost immune function by raising levels of infection-fighting T-cells
• trigger the release of endorphins
• enhance one's sense of well-being

It's a deceptively simple yet incredibly powerful and potentially life-changing form of exercise that anybody can do, anytime, anywhere. 

When do we start?   

Turn on that timer

Spending hours in front of the computer is simply not smart by anyone’s standards.  Yet I am capable of staying at my desk from dawn until dinner.  With more hours logged in later.  Not good.  I KNOW I’m not alone.  How to make us all move?  My friend, Gerda, sets a timer in another room/her kitchen/so that she HAS to get up to turn off the annoying noise. This is far brighter than, as in my case, having it so close that I can simply reach over and turn it off. Still, it remains a reminder to stop what I’m doing and take a few moments to stretch/take a quick jog/jump rope…do practically anything but continue to sit in the same spot for hours at a time.

With any luck at all, tomorrow could be the day that I actually remember to turn the timer on.